But did you die?

In one moment I am soaring.  “You’ve been accepted into the respiratory program,” the email says.  The testing, prerequisite classes, interview and obnoxiously long waiting period has finally payed off with that one sentence.  I received the news while walking out of the BLS (basic lifesaving/CPR) class I was taking for work and even though there were still people taking a test a whoop escapes my mouth.  With a grin and a quick sorry to those still working I make my way out into the hallway and begin making calls to tell my loved ones.  I finally got in!  I have an end date!  I am going to be able to have a living wage!  My heart swells. Then comes the fear. I am so excited and a small thought pops into my head.  “You better not fail.”  From that one spore grows overwhelming self-doubt that threatens to take away everything I have worked toward.  It will start with something small like putting off getting a shot that I will need so that I can go on clinical rotations.  Then