American's praise the individual. Men, especially, are pushed to be self reliant, quiet, loners. We struggle to tackle life's problems ourselves without ever asking for help. By doing this we are proving we are strong, right?
“The word "We" is as lime poured over men, which sets and hardens to stone, and crushes all beneath it, and that which is white and that which is black are lost equally in the grey of it. It is the word by which the depraved steal the virtue of the good, by which the weak steal the might of the strong, by which the fools steal the wisdom of the sages.
-Ayn Rand
We do it alone. We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. We can blame no one but ourselves when we fail. We achieve success by only caring for ourselves. Right?
Earlier this month I took time to get away with a group of men. While we were spending time together we were learning some of what it means to be "Sons of Grace." One of the biggest points I took away from this weekend was that even though it might go against the concept of individualism, we need a band of brothers to help us with life. It was argued that even Jesus needed his twelve friends, and from those twelve he had three especially close brothers that helped him when he struggled. We can see this in Matthew 26:36-38.
Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, “Sit here while I go over there to pray.” He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
If Jesus, the Son of God, needed support, shouldn't I be willing to seek support too? Shouldn't we all? I came to realize that I really can't "go it alone." I learned that we all need people that we can count on in our lives. I was taught about several reasons that we need this band of close friends to help us with and I wanted to share two of them with you.
We need a night shift.
Jesus had his three that he took with him when he was having an emergency. This begs the question, do I have someone I can call at 4AM? Do I have someone that would go with me in the dark of the night and give me support? Other than family, I had one person I felt I could call upon in any emergency. When Seth, my youngest, was three months old we took him to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing. Upon learning that he had RSV and was going to need to stay in the ICU, I gave a call to my best friend Christian. Immediately he asked if we needed anything, but more than that he and his wife brought us dinner. They sat with us and prayed with us. He was someone I could count on. He was my night shift. Do you have one?
We need ruthless honesty.
There are times when I can be a little rough around the edges. I've shared before about how I get frustrated at the kids, but especially Levi. My wonderful four year old can freak out, yelling and screaming and carrying on for an hour easily, and I don't always take it too well. A couple of months ago it was pointed out to me that it seemed all I did was raise my voice to correct him, and even though I didn't want to admit it, it was true. I had gotten into a routine of constant correction. I was being a bad father. When I realized this, I wept. I didn't want to be that way. This ruthless honesty hurt, but was needed to point out what was clear to everyone else except me. We all need someone who can see past the "life's good" facade we put on and see into our real lives, someone who has the guts to point out when we screw up despite the pain it will cause.
Ayn Rand has it wrong. When we help each other, we are not being crushed by the weak. We are helping our brother who is having a weak moment and he in turn can help us when we are weak. When we are giving sage advice to our brother who is being foolish we are not being taken advantage of, because we may one day need the same honesty. It reminds me of the saying, "no man is an island."
See you on the flip side,
Daniel
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